Two months down, three to go ...
It seems like only yesterday I was sitting here completely ecstatic about making it through one month of chemotherapy. And lookie here … I made it to Month Two y’all. Ayeeee!!! I spent the last day of February celebrating this victory! Nothing like a spa date to bring it all in.
After the spa, I enjoyed the beautiful 78 degree day with my two favorite girls, Mom and Sydney. 📸: Mom (she is getting better 🤣)
Thinking back, if the theme of Month 1 was “revelation”, then I’d say that the theme of Month 2 was “expectation”. It was hard y’all. And not just emotionally, but physically as well. I usually give you all an update of how I am doing a few days after my treatment. It just wasn’t possible this time. You see, after the third treatment, it took just one extra day to recover. But the fourth treatment … honey, it took me 8 days to get to about 80%. And I was NOT ready. Remember, I was living in the land of expectation, and that just wasn’t my reality. I mean, I bounce back in 3 days, right?! How dare it take 5 extra days for my body to process the cumulative effects of four chemotherapy treatments ??? Sounds quite ridiculous, in retrospect. From this, I relearned that you can not rush God … everything happens in His time … not ours.
“It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.”
Here are a few other nuggets I’ve picked up in Month 2:
Live in the RIGHT NOW
And this applies to everything! When I feel like doing something, I don’t put it off. I have no idea what I will feel like later. After my last treatment, I felt slightly nauseated. My sense of smell was heightened and I couldn’t even be in the same room with certain food. This improved at the end of the eight days, but then I wasn’t able to consume much. One day, Theo and I went to lunch and I had soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. After eating half a sandwich, I began to get full and thought I’d save the rest for later. Then I thought about it. Who knows how my stomach would feel later? Would I even be able to eat the sandwich later? Screw that! I decided against it and ate as much as I could. It was amazing! 😋 Later, what’s that? I’m no longer saving anything for later!
Stop and smell the roses
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is to appreciate the little things. From the flowers during my neighborhood walks .. to having enough energy to drive my daughter to school in the morning .. to only being able to eat buttered noodles with salt and pepper …. Appreciate life and all its beauty.
Be a little selfish
My original plan was to work remotely for some period of time during chemo. “Because I’m Tova. I can handle anything. This is just another trial that I have to go through. And I’m gonna be strong and have some sense of normalcy while I am getting chemo.” Chile please! After those first four treatments, I quickly came to my senses. There was just no way! You are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself first.
Don’t worry, be happy
There is a saying that worrying means you suffer twice. The only change I’d make to this saying is that you “potentially suffer twice” because the thing about worrying is this .. you really don’t know if what you are worrying about will actually happen. Worrying only robs you of today’s joy; it doesn’t solve any of tomorrow’s problems.
Stay away from anything or anyone that drains your energy
The way I see it, I have a finite amount of energy .. and it’s not as much as I am used to. I also have limited ability to replenish my daily allotment. It’s not like I can just get up and run 5 miles like I used to. So I have to protect my energy at all costs! It’s not personal, I just need to do what’s best for me..
I continue to learn more about myself each day. I try to learn new lessons and not relearn the same ones over and over again. But hey, I am also patient with myself and I know that it may take me one or two or five times for some of these to actually stick. 😬
Looking forward to the new revelations that March has in store! I have a few appointments next week. I will be sure to give you an update on what’s coming next. ♥️
